When is it Time to Cut My Losses?


$ NUGGET $ Keep reading. There’s something you may find interesting here. It’s lower.

I started writing this from my iPad mini after I’d already gotten into bed. I realized I wanted to talk about stuff. While I’m typing, I’m holding the iPad in my left hand, the hand attached to the shoulder I’ve injured.

What’s going on? Well, in a nutshell, I’m in a crap load of pain. My brain isn’t letting go of things as cleanly or sometimes at all as I’d like it to.

I’m trying to be careful, but my shoulder has joined ranks with my other mutineering (?) body parts, and also those I no longer own, and is demanding the island house for the weekend. So…

A. Is there ever a reason to stop doing something and accept my losses?

$ NUGGET $ Little bit more. Hang in there!

B. Can I slow myself down enough to focus all my attention on using the style of meditation I use to go to sleep on this really horrible, no good, rotten, albino vampire, broke tooth fairy pain?

C. I can’t remember… I can just imagine you telling me to stop talking, get out of my own, and go TO SLEEP!

D. I injured my shoulder trying to use a 3# hand weight… incorrectly I assume. I felt something bad, then found myself on the ground. Too much? Too fast? Too broken? Oh hell NO! I’m not having any of that! Not after all this.

I’m going to meditate. I’m going to sleep. Then, in the morning, I’m going to have my Friday. Time to cut my losses?

No. Not today. Just time to rest… per chance to dream —

E. I may resist things I’m learning in the workshop I’m participating in on learning to change the very face of ADHD…. wow that’s sooo terrible!

I’m soooooo stubborn. Can I hear an AMEN?!

AMEM!

IF, if I can use these new tools to slow down enough, to understand that my brain isn’t existing in a secret realm where only mania can exist. If I can just adapt these new ways of interpreting my brain, my life, my world, then I know, that….

look, let’s be frank. I’m bonkers. Got stars for synapses. When I brain dump and record all that I’m thinking even I wonder at the bombastic bananas bonking around behind my eyes.

“This person is OFF her meds!”

No, I am ON my meds. You can know this by the fact that this post contains less than 51 topics, isn’t an attempt to speak in pig-Latin fluently, and … sorry, got distracted again.

This is so messy.

That’s okay with me.

This is who I am.

$ NUGGET $

How does a bipolar 1 (AKA manic/depressive), ADHD, chronic pain patient resist abusing the Oxycodone that my provider pushes on me every month? Interesting, right?

Good night.

One thought on “When is it Time to Cut My Losses?

  1. Tough one hey, Bipolar is often associated with addiction. Mine was alcohol, not to the stage of getting drunk but needing one or two every night. What meds are you on for your Bipolar?

    Like

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