Category Archives: Kids

Bipolar – Handling an Insane Schedule and Still Having Fun

I tend to forget a very important fact when I’m busy and especially when I’m going to be driving… I have chronic pain in my back and I tend to forget to take my Oxycodone. Or, if I’m going to be driving, I don’t take it. Late this afternoon I remembered I was in pain (I also take Lyrica for FM and have OA so go figure with all the pain right?), I remembered and I took my pain killer. Quickly I was able to do house work and things I had stopped doing again, like moving around like I’m not a super old and very cranky woman.

I’m not high. Just experiencing less pain. It’s makes such a difference with the Lyrica and Oxy and the anti-inflammatory they have me on for my OA.

Back to the really important stuff: The Magical How to Be Too Busy and Still Have Fun.

Since my last post things have gotten more complicated and because I neglected to take some of my meds as prescribed I started being angry for no good reason and wanting to lash out. Took my meds…. I’m ok now. I can’t stress enough that we have to take our meds. You don’t think you need them? Especially during this next 30 days or so then you are nuts and a dope. Take your meds.

Starting last
Saturday  – Afternoon at my parents just to visit (my dad has stage four cancer and they “say” he has 6 – 12 months left) My brother and I are trying to spend time with them as much as possible.

Sunday (today) – Early family dinner at my parents with Tony and Mat too (my brother and his partner)

Monday – Take Kyle to the bus at 7:50 (the transit bus line stops exactly 8 minutes before our house)
– Take Syd to friend’s house so friend can get Syd to work on time (Kyle and I will be heading to Seattle)
– Pick up kyle at UWT at 11:00
– Arrive at UW medical center to get my new dentures (only Kyle and Syd know I’m getting them now)
– Drive through Seattle/Tacoma traffic through rush hour home. Usually takes 2 to 2.5 hours. Crazy drive. Seatac is almost that far.
– Pick up Sydney at end of bus route at 6:00 or find her a ride home

Tuesday – Sydney Braces for teeth…. orthodontist appt. at 7:50 a.m.
– 3:00 Sydney works till 5
– Kyle school then works till 5
– My brother’s birthday – at Bob’s Burgers (Where everyone will see my new teeth and that I cannot work them very well yet. So funny!)

Wednesday – Pick up “Carol”, my friend for lunch at Seatac during her layover. Actually, I’m picking up Jessica (my other daughter) from the airport and sneaking her home to surprise her sibs. 1:15 p.m.
– 3:00 Sydney works till 5

Thursday – Thanksgiving where I will again try to eat and talk with my new face. I anticipate talking funny for a bit and eating… carefully. lol
– Dinner at my brother and Mat’s at 4:30. It will be a banquet for kings and queens. They always throw amazing parties. The food is amazing. But then, they have lots of money.

Sat – Sun Syd is supposed to work on a project with a girl from school…. only she doesn’t know her sister will be leaving Monday. OMG!

I think those are the highlights. All the while I will be thinking of my dad and how he’s doing. And that the stress of all these secrets is making my brain burn like a torch lighting the way to a wondrous gift: family… and taking my meds as prescribed every day. Even the stupid ones that want to be taken 3 times a day. Uh. Don’t you hate those? Makes me bonkers.

My friend Carol and Jessica are the only ones that know what’s going on. No, Jessica doesn’t know I’m coming to the airport with my face in (dentures, it really changes your face).

Now more how to survive Thanksgiving tips that I use myself:
Play games – I don’t care if they’re card games with others or computer games by yourself. Play something!
Breath – from deep down in the belly when you feel the stress monster coming for you.
Ask for a hug – you don’t even need to say why. Just ask for one… or give one, maybe more than one!
Eat properly, and drink lots of water. No booze. NO BOOZE. Seriously. Don’t drink it.
Get enough sleep.
Smile. Smile for others if you can’t for yourself. Don’t bring your world down to your mood if you’re cranky.
Meditate, pray, be still… recharge yourself. Go to your happy place.
Oh, and do not over eat.

And then the next day will come and what you did the day before will still be with you so make wise choices.

Lastly, if you have a service dog avail them of their services. It’s what you have them for! Mine is sleeping soundly in her place at the foot and her side of my bed. Even with her cone on she knows when I need her. (She had her girl bits removed and wants to lick it too much) So that damn cone  is another stressor for us all. It makes it very difficult to train her with it on.

I’ve taken on a lot this week. I’ve decided I can make it work if I take my time and keep things separated. I believe I can do this. I even have a separate schedule in my desk in my room for Jessica coming. If I mess that up the game will be blown. Normally, I wouldn’t do this much, but Jess and I decided she should come home for a quick visit now and a longer one in December in case something happens with my dad; her grandpa.

She just became a Senior Airman in the USAF. I’m so proud of her! Her new stripes and all that are so cool. I can’t wait to see the picture of her in her blues besides her selfie. lol

And now the test. Can I follow my own plans to succeed? Have I set myself up for a huge fall? I don’t think so. I’m having to focus on others;  always a good thing. Focus. That’s important. I’ve got to stay focused and balanced and ask for help when I need it. Sometimes that’s hard to do.

Let me know how you fair this week my friend. I’ll tell you how I do when I’m through next Monday.

May you escape the nibble of a turkey on the end of your nose. May you eat said turkey instead. May you stuff your bird with stuffing . And may you spend time with loved ones, even if it’s only by phone or Hangout or… thinking of them. A little bit of love goes a long way. May you succeed in all your goals

Ciao,

Robin

Bipolar – Symphony No. 1

My kids don’t understand why I love classical music. I’m sorry darlings, but I do. I started listening to my limited cassette collection when I purloined my mother’s never listened to tapes and started listening while I attempted to do my homework in high school. I found early on in my academic career that music with words completely fascinates… ok. That’s a totally lie. I forget all about my homework and sing along.

Classical music turned out to be a great boon for me. I could close my eyes and center myself as I continued to distract myself. I looked out the windows and was coerced to let my eyes hungrily absorb the beauty I saw all around me. We lived in a house far off the road in Washington State in a small town called Gig Harbor. Our home was a mile off the main road and on ten acres of woodland. We had horses and dogs and cats and pigs and chickens… and a pond. We had all sorts of things. And then, we had classical music.

I was prompted to write to you about classical music tonight because I’m sitting here, finally silent and not bothering either kid while plugged in (as I call it). I’ve been very busy talking and bossing and yelling and laughing and being frustrated all weekend

We finally had our garage sale and made a little money. I’m about halfway to being able to afford to fly to Tampa, Florida to see my Air Force Airman daughter Jessica. I’m so proud of her. And I miss her so much.

Sydney has been playing a video game that was making her crazy for the last several hours. Kyle was helping me submit a patent to the patent office. That was a little nutty. While Kyle went over what we had written and tried to clarify some things we ran into Sydney. Honest. Practically physically. “You guys are saying the same thing!!!” I knew I needed to slow down.

As soon as we finished I thanked my boy and hugged him. Then I got out my Samsung S5 and plugged in (my lingo for putting in/on head or ear phones. Plugging in means there is a chance I’ll stop talking for a while and maybe even focus.

Focus. Yeah, buddy. You betcha.

I closed my eyes and drew myself together. I thought about the lessons I’ve been learning about mindfulness. I focused and opened my eyes. Symphony No. 1, Czech Philharmonic Chamber Orchestra (Brian Crain, Spring Symphonies) was playing. It was amazing. It brought me back to a time when life was simpler, when I might have thought of fewer things in the space of ten minutes. Maybe. It seems like that was the way it was.

Today, I’ve signed up for Pandora without commercials. I need the music without the psychosis inducing commercials. I’m loving it.

So we finished the garage sale. Most of the ten or so boxes of books we have left have been packed into my car and will find a new home at Half Priced Books this week. I’ll take a few boxes in at a time. I’ve discovered I get a better price that way. Feels weird to let my friends, my comfort books, go on to other people. It’s like finally giving a part of myself up that I no longer need.

My meds are to thank for that mostly. I don’t feel like I MUST have them to be able to handle life. I’m finding the strength to carry on inside my own brain, in my spirit if you will. Meds taken as instructed…. are helping me settle down long enough to be sensible about things I was so compulsive about before.

Everyone (including all the pets) have gone off to bed. I think I’ll follow their lead. Probably going to be a busy week ahead of us. The calendar says so.

I’ll talk to you soon my friends. In the meantime… listen to some music you don’t normally listen to. Maybe classical? Maybe country? Whatever it is, close your eyes and try to let it take you away to a place where you can be more peaceful… quiet.

I’m on my way to bed right now. After I post this. Then right now. And I’ll read for a bit. Then my Kindle/phone will fall on my face, I’ll smile, put it down properly and pass out. I love falling asleep like that.

Night friends.

I Am a Bipolar Parent – Pissy

Hi everyone.

I chose the title “I am a Bipolar Parent – Pissy” because while BP is what I am, who I am, what I have, whatever, I am a parent first.

I am a divorced and still single BP woman. I am Type 1 (the messy type) and I exist in the mixed state perpetually. When not being a good and balanced mom, I’m super pissy. When I’m depressed and throwing things or want to get off the world and I’m manic and talk forever and shout a lot.

I’ve raised my children (I’ve counted them… there are three) alone and unemployed. I’ve stay unemployed because I simply couldn’t handle working. I’ve never lasted more than a year in any job. I did have my own company for a while. It was wonderful and I loved it. I was more manic than depressed at that time so I was able to crush all adversity into dust.

People around me kept telling mi I was a great parent. Now, years later, I look back and am broken hearted. I see that I wasn’t an amazing parent. I see what damage I’ve done to my babies who are now 22, 19 and 17. My youngest especially has explained to me through who she believes she is and remembers from her childhood, that I pulled them into my emotional and mental poverty with her especially being damaged.

Damaged. I suppose I wasn’t such a great parent. I was relatively stable (I’m lying) during the first two kids’ early years. When it came to my youngest I see that I was consumed by my business. It made me feel alive for the first time in years. Unfortunately, I left her in the dust of my being consumed. She’s had a hard time.

My baby says she’s been raised in a shit hole and feels like others have “families” while she did not. Their father has been out of the picture for most of her life. That, has been his choice. It gave her a primary target for her anger, her hatred.

Now I am learning so many things about her and what she remembers. She doesn’t remember any good times.

I remember the good times. So do the older too. She feels . . . cheated I think.

I’ll tell you more about this soon. Instead of lamenting all my woes of being a crappy mom, I’m going to tell you how I became a good mom. Maybe even a great mom. I became a “weird parent”. Check back soon to see what I mean.

Giant Swordfish in My Face

I don’t know if you’re ever looked up and seen a giant swordfish in your face, but I have. Just now in fact.  Right there. Staring at me. You know how I mean, that dead fish sort of stare, looking… well no where actually.

I’m sitting in the colon doctor’s office waiting. With that… fish.

You know there just isn’t anything like a dead swordfish in your face to snap things into place.

It is Monday.  I don’t personally have anything against Monday’s… but perhaps I should. I mean it’s been a Friday the 13th sort of day and its only 11:15 a.m. Geeze.

3:30 a.m. I finally beat my back pain down enough to sleep, for 2 hours. Then I had to pee. I realized my kids were still asleep so I got them up. They were late.

Monday… rough start.

Earlier, after dropping the second kid at the bus I was about to turn at a light and pull out on the highway… I noticed cars stopping very abruptly just after the intersection I was about to enter. Crash! Breaking glass and the sound of metal smushing. Wow.

Called 911.

Two hours later I looked for hidden colon place else. Located. Found swordfish staring at me.

This was my day before noon.

Confused much? Yeah, it happens a lot especially if I don’t slow down and do some fast self editing on the fly.

I’m home now and it’s after dinner. The sun is dropping behind the swamp and trees across the drive and the kids are out and about. Bailey, the Heeler pup we have, us searching deep in the lawn for… um… I have no clue. I do know it requires that one’s nose be shoved as far as possible in through old the mossy grass and snorting very loudly. Honestly I suspect the snorting is what’s the draw here.

I wonder what kind of bird is making that nutty bleeping noise.

My little brother and his partner took his partner’s daughter and her fella to Las Vegas over the weekend and they were married. Not my brother. His partner’s daughter and her man. I get confused sometimes. 

I’ve unwound Bailey from the basketball pole thingie where she tried to truss herself up like a pig. Like what?

I’m home. Still gonna have that “free” colon exploration on Friday. Still waiting for the younger two kids to get home. Waiting for the eldest to fix her phone and answered my bloody texts. It’s been a busy day. My back only really got my goat about 64% of the whole day (I’m being generous).

I’m lucky. Know why?

I’m not that damn swordfish.

Time to go in. Getting a chill out here.

This is my first post from my new phone. Gotta love that.

Swordfish.

image

Hidden colon office.