Category Archives: Bipolar

The Fly

There is another gianormous fly that’s been flying around the house all day. One of the cats spent some serious time staring at it as it whizzed past her whiskered face. It didn’t take long for her to dismiss catching it as belonging to the “too much effort” category.

The Seahawks are losing. Third quarter. Still think it might be a good season.


Changing Meds Again

I got just as low on levels of my meds as I could this summer. It’s been a long, scary ride back to the grey and quickly approaching darkness. It’s time to readjust meds again. I have my appointment with my pill doctor in about a week. I’ll be clinging together with superglue till then.

On my best behavior…..

My Bipolar – What is It??
For many people having Bipolar Disorder Type 1 is a death sentence literally. For many others they become the walking tortured. In general:

A lifelong condition in which people have very high and very low mood swings. Each time they feel one of these it is called an episode. Some of us have these symptoms all our life. One expert describes the illness as “a roller-coaster ride for patients and those around them. Restless, grouchy, or happy moods may become an episode of mania. Feeling tired, empty, or very sad may become an episode of depression.” I also have what is known as a mixed episode. This is when I have an episodes of both mania and depression at the same time. Screwy huh?

FACT: Bipolar Disorder affects more than 5.7 million Americans.

It is an illness where many suffer from it, but we all do so very much in our own hell. People around us don’t have any comprehension of what it does to us. If you have it, then this blog is for you and the people who judge and don’t understand why you just stood up and screamed at your kid in front of their friends and totally embarrassing them for something you can’t even remember what when you’re able to finally stop the tirade.

In the past I’ve been unable and unwilling to share my Bipolar Journey publicly. Sometimes I can’t believe the things I do and say.  When I try to make friends I eventually tell them about the disease and they inevitably treat me differently. I have to expand my limited group of friends, those I can tell about it and just treat it as they would any other diseases. It isn’t like I walk around with men’s underpants on my head now is it?  At least I don’t think anyone got a picture of that –

I’m going to jump around writing this. It’s how my brain works. My three kids follow me most of the time, but there are times when even I don’t know what I’m blathering on about.


My Little Family

I have 3 kids and am single. Jessica is smart and beautiful and 17. Kyle is faithful and 12. And the youngest, my baby who is full of energy, Sydney.  Currently I’m nearly five-foot four inches tall and too big around. This from a ten year long unhappy marriage, having three babies, meds for my illness and then I broke my ankle real good. The ankle was three years ago and I’m still struggling. Mostly I sit around. One of my meds causes weight gain too so I’m feeling sort of trapped. Working out is impossible for anything including my right knee. I broke my LEFT ankle and had a plug taken out of that knee. That’s all fine. It’s the support leg that’s all beet up.

Kyle’s favorite thing to do is to play video games; some of Jessica’s favorite things to do include reading, writing, biking and walking; Sydney dances to her own tune. She likes to visit game websites and other character driven sites.

They all like to go for hikes at the national parks. If my knees were better, and it will be, we’ll be doing more hiking. I’ll at least make sure they get to get some time outside in nature.

My son has such a way of taking care of me. He’s going to bankroll my letters to agents to try to get an agent to sell the sucker.  We’ll make our first mailing this week to about ten agents. I hope it goes well. I want him to have a positive experience in business. Why is he helping? I’m all out of money. Totally. So I’ll do all the work and he’ll be the silent partner. I’m very thankful to him and am proud of him.

Who Am I Really?

May 30, 2009
My idea of a first post isn’t what I’m going to say. However, I want to be brief because I’ve taken a pain pill and need to be asleep. And, because this is where I am myself am at today.

Firstly, I have sever Bipolar Disorder Type I. My meds are being adjusted now so things are moody. My right knee is now in so much pain that I’m back on my pain meds that I had leftover from my ankle surgery. And, I’ve been wheezing for three weeks and now have to go to the hospital for chest an and sinus x-rays.

And Sydney sees the arm specialist doctor because she’s still having trouble with that on Monday.

So you see how things are.

Sleep always helps put me in my happy place.