Category Archives: UWT

Relaxing Music

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I just found this. I’ve not listened to the whole thing, but so far I really like it. Tell me what you think.

I’ve been so very stressed and angry lately. I have got to calm down. I’m suffering in my classes and in my mind.

This is my last quarter before I graduate. I’m going to try to make it my best one. First, get my emotions under control.

I have to keep reminding myself…

I’m UNSTOPPABLE!

Watch “Relaxing Piano Music: Beautiful Music, Romantic Music, Relaxing Music, Sleep Music ★136” on YouTube

Bipolar – Election Panic

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depression  I tend to panic about things that aren’t really problems, or at least aren’t problems at the time I’m panicking about them. I have to admit that the election, which is today, has me feeling a bit on edge. Why? There are lots of reasons I can think of but two come to mine right away.

First, I need to have my disability income to continue to come in. I’m talking about SSI and the medical insurance that I receive because I’m officially disabled. I wouldn’t be able to get the care I need if I had to pay for it myself.

Second, I started my day with my youngest daughter texting me that if Trump wins she and her fiancé are going to go to the court house to get married right away before he takes away her right to marry the person that she’s in love with. They were going to wait until both women have graduated college (we all three go to UWT) to tie the knot. She believes if he wins her rights will be taken away, not ensured like they could be in a free nation. I told her that I understand and I think that if that’s what she feels she needs to do, I’ll support them.

This election directly impacts my family more directly than any other election has. I will be watching this evening’s results in my Social Media class tonight. I’ve never watched election coverage of any kind with other people. I don’t know who the others support so it will be interesting to see what happens when we discuss the returns together.

I will go about my day as usual and try not to think about the election. There isn’t anything I can do about it other than vote myself and I did that. Washington State is a mail-in voting state and I mailed mine in as soon as I received it. I had to search for a stamp! I pay all my bills online now so I don’t use the USPS and so I don’t usually need any stamps.

I hope if you feel anxiety about the election that you’ve exercised your right and voted. If you’re still feeling anxiety about it, please take care of yourself and recognize that it’s okay if you feel that way. A lot of people who don’t suffer from mental illness feel the same way.

I’m going to do my homework and go to class as usual. I think I’ll try to get ahead on my homework and work on a paper that’s due next Monday.

The weather here is unusually nice today for a November day in Washington State so I think I’ll take my buddy Bailey for a walk. I’ll try to give myself time to write so I can meet my NaNoWriMo goal for today’s word count.

Yesterday on the way home from my classes I made a mistake and went grocery shopping while I was hungry and bought food that I don’t need to eat like powdered donuts. Yeah, I don’t need donuts. Well, I have three kids and I’m sure they will welcome some free food. I want to give them my leftover candy from Halloween too.

Well, I need to get busy on my homework now. My brother is stopping by in a few hours. My house is a mess. I usually try to straighten it out before I have company, but I have a lot to do today so I think I’ll let the house stay messy. I guess I’m concerned he’ll judge me. His house is always in order and spotless. I suppose I should ask myself if it matters whether or not he approves of the state of my house. It doesn’t, not really.

My mouse/cursor keeps shooting across the screen and making me type in random places. It’s getting annoying. Sometimes I can’t find it, which means I may not be able to find random letters appearing in random places. Oh well. Life goes on.

If you’re stressed about the election you have company, a lot of people are. Regardless of what happens, we still have our own brains to deal with. Try to do something kind for yourself today. I’m going to take my dog for a long walk and read a fiction book that has nothing to do with school.

As Ellen says, “Be kind to one another.”

School – Finishing the Quarter

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So I’ve survived the quarter. Okay, I have one more week of my online class then I’m done. I have to say that the most difficult class I took was also my favorite one: Introduction to Creative Writing (at the University of Washington Tacoma with Professor Abby Murray). It pushed me the most intellectually and on a personal level as a person with Bipolar. I always remember that I’m a student, but I have Bipolar and ADHD (I’m officially Disabled) and I need to take care of myself with regards to those. If my disability gets out of control I can’t function as a student. So, I try to really be balanced and pace myself. This quarter went much better than last quarter. I’m not sure why it has been easier. Maybe it’s because I’m getting used to going to school again. I don’t know. I know I’m very glad it has been easier because if it had been as hard as last quarter I probably wouldn’t have continued on.

Now I have to decide what I’m going to do about next quarter. Circumstances may come about that will put so much pressure and stress on me that it might be best not to attend school spring quarter and start back in the autumn quarter. I’m not sure what I’ll do right now. I really want to take Creative Nonfiction from the same writing professor I had this quarter next quarter. That would be so cool. She is very energetic and an excellent teacher. She makes you want to learn what she’s teaching just because of how much she loves teaching it. It’s a plus that she’s actually also a great teacher.

For now, I’ll have to wait and see how things play out in my personal life, meet with my counselor and talk with my family and then make an informed decision. Of course, even an informed decision will be me guessing what the best thing to do is but what’s a girl gonna do?

The Day After a Little Surge

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Yesterday I had a surge of mental energy that I’ve not felt in quite some time. It felt fantastic. I wanted the day to go on all night. But, eventually, it got dark and my body’s natural clock told me it was time to slow down and get ready for bed.

I miss the manic, the semi-controlled mania of not quite out-of-control-full-blown manic panic. My goal, is to get so excited about something that I’ll feel that way all the time. By something I mean my life’s passion, in this case, hopefully something that will pay the bills too. How cool will it be to have the things I’m most passionate about be the thing I get to do everyday and not feel guilty about. I think I’m getting close to achieving that understanding that goal, that passion. Now to put it into practice.

So I’m down off my surge of yesterday. I had classes today. I’m in the undergraduate program at the University of Washington Tacoma. I had a hard time in both classes. My first class doesn’t really engage me and in my second class I read the article we talked about nearly a week before class the first time I read it and when she asked if we had any questions about it all I could remember was that I didn’t understand all of it. I knew she’d ask exactly what I didn’t understand and she did. I did my best to explain, flipping through the pages and looking at what I’d underlined.

The second class, the one I had to do the reading for, is Creative Non Fiction with Abby Murray. I’m really enjoying the class and the unique style in which she’s teaching it. I’d blow a gasket if she just told me to turn in three poems and turned me loose. Instead she’s trying to get us engaged before she turns us loose. She tries to “prime the pump” as it were. She gives us a writing prompt in class and we spend some time writing right then and there. Then we talk about it and sometimes share what we’ve written. I don’t feel like I did very well tonight. Metaphors and similes… yikes!

I really want to write one about Caitlyn Jenner. How funny is that? We read one about Lana turner last quarter in another class. It was kind of fun. I want to see if I can pull that off with Jenner and her authenticity. I’m fascinated by her and what she’s doing. I’ll explain more about that later.

Bipolar – Wow!

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You know, sometimes I don’t know what to write to you. Sometimes I just have no time. Sometimes I’m too overwhelmed to nail it down and make sense of it.

Today, I’m excited! I’m officially going back to school! I’m going to the University of Washington at Tacoma (UWT)!

You should know that my transferred credits still make me a freshman. This is important because my youngest, Sydney, is also a freshman at UWT. She doesn’t really want me to go to the same school any more than she wants herself and her brother also to be a student at UWT. So, all four of us in my little family will be going to college in the fall. So awesome! Can you believe it? three of us at the same school?!

On a sadder note my father passed away on Martin Luther King Day. He’s out of pain and my mom can begin to recover. He suffered from a lot of pain and at the end he didn’t know us. The brain tumor did that. This was the most difficult part for my mom before he passed… fighting  to give pain medication to someone who thinks you’re trying to poison him, and then soon after not able to talk at all and reflexively fighting her when it was time for her meds. I had to hold his arms down. I have been in “emergency” mode since we started being with him 24 hours a day. I may be still. I made a movie of his life on my birthday. That was a good thing for me.

I haven’t reacted with tears oh hysteria like my mom and brother have. My kids have taken it harder than I have (they were closer than I was to him).

I asked my son if he thought grandpa would be proud of me. He didn’t even hesitate, he said, “Yes, of course he would!” I need to ask my mom too. For some reason I need to know. I’ll ask her now. .. . .