Bipolar Disorder-Announcing a New, Really Helpful Book on Living Successfully With Our Super Powers

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I’m graduating from the University of Washington at Tacoma on the 11th. I can’t wait. This entire year the pressure has been building within me. It feels tangible, like a physical thing pulling at me, never letting me alone.

I broke. I threw the mouse for my laptop. I threw it really hard right in front of my daughter who has just moved in with me. I scared her. It’s been years since I’ve acted like that, so violent and scary. She didn’t know what to do. My dog, who is supposed to be my emotional support dog, ran for Jessica’s room and hid there until it was safe to come back out. I had to get her to forgive me and we calmed each other down. She doesn’t like me yelling, raiding my voice or swearing.

The pressure to get a job frightens me and cracks begin to tear in the fragile being that is me.

My grandfather had a window washing company and a carpet cleaning company. When he retired my father and mother took it over. Now, my brother and his partner run the company, I have had two publishing companies that I started myself. Then my brain went kaboom! And it all went away.

I’ve gone back to college hoping to gain the skills necessary to better start and run another new business. I’m planning on having another publishing company that focuses on non-fiction, especially regarding mental health. Here, in this blog, I share with you my honest experiences and troubles. What I don’t do, is preach to you about what I think are answers to my problems. If you scan my posts, you may see different ways I deal with my illnesses.

Announcing a New, Really Helpful Book on
Living Successfully With Our Super Powers

I believe that the dozens and dozens of books on mental illness and especially on Bipolar Disorder miss the mark in dealing with the real issues I face every day. Let me give you an example. I don’t know about you, but I have a ton of trouble focusing on one thing long enough finish it. Also, anxiety has been beating me over the head and for the first time, I felt it was necessary to tell my family and my counselor that I’d been having brief moments of wanting to hurt myself. I’ve felt it so strongly that I was frightened that I might actually do something.

Am I qualified to give advice regarding Bipolar Disorder? I don’t have a degree in psychology, but I have raised three kids on my own. I’ve been dealing with my illness for as long as I can recall. My mother always thought it was her fault that I behaved the way I did. I finally learned that I had been presenting symptoms since I was very young. She thought I was possessed I think. My parents sent me to stay for the summer with her very religious sister and her family. I think she was hoping it might change me. It never did. Oh, I want to mention that I have a degree in Religious Education (or something like that). I no longer actively practice my faith.

Why am I qualified to undertake this project? I care about each of you. I want to present different ideas on how to survive and even thrive despite having a life long illness. I’ll be getting my degree in Writing Studies in a few days. Hopefully that has taught me how to communicate my thoughts better. I don’t aim for perfection in my blogs. I just want to express my real life situations and feelings to you.

Most of the books that I have are primarily loaded with worksheets. Worksheets! I can barely sit still long enough to focus and understand a short chapter there’s no way I’m doing worksheets. How do you feel about them?

Well, that’s enough of that. Maybe you’ll be interested in it, maybe you won’t. To each is his own.

I am a survivor. I might fall and be all scuffed up, but I’ll heal and I’ll get back to work. I believe that I know what my passion is and I’ve committed myself to give myself over to it.

Have you ever considered doing that?

I hope that you’ll stick around and maybe recommend my blog to others who might resonate with it.

We are a group of people who are not understood by the general public. We’ve gone from being stuck in special hospitals for the instant and given inhumane treatments to today when we are blamed for mass shootings. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s time that we rally around ourselves and learn about ourselves first. Then, I would like to see us enter into our communities and make a difference. We are real people who want to live real lives.

I’m not going to try to get you to come to seminars where I will convince you to purchase expensive kits that include DVDs, workbooks, cards to memorize and other “useful” things.

No, that’s not how it should be done.

There are more of us who suffer from illnesses like Bipolar Disorder than “normal” people could possibly imagine. We are everywhere. I think it’s time to take our special superpowers and use them to change our lives, and maybe our world.

Do we have superpowers? Of course, we do. Can you recall the last time someone you know was suffering and you understood how they felt and knew just what to do for them? No? Well, don’t be discouraged. Our superpowers are often there and doing their things. We just don’t recognize them for what they are.

So school’s almost over and I’ll have time to work exclusively on my new business. There is so much for me to learn. And I have so much to share with you.

If you’re curious or have a suggestion for me to consider please email me right away. I’ll take every message seriously. After all, who knows better what will help us other than ourselves.

I think it’s time to rock! How about you? Are you ready to get the messy monster off your back even a little bit? I can’t cure you. No one can. If they tell you they can they are liars. What I can do is walk alongside you, understand your pain, and search for ways to live fulfilling lives.

Please tell me what you think about this project. I honestly want to hear your thoughts on it.

Oh one more thing, I find a lot of things funny. I had one of my class in stitches Thursday. I was supposed to be giving a presentation and I turned it into a standup routine. I can’t help myself. I love to make people laugh. I didn’t talk about my illness, but I have many times before. There is so much that I have to take with a dose of laughter.

Well, be well my friends

Robin

Bipolar – Invisible Lasers and Behavior

neuroplasticityJessica moves her hand and Bailey looks for a laser on the floor like a missile on a target, like when an officer arrives and she snaps to attention… she’s completely conditioned like Pavlov’s dog. Bailey follows her around the house waiting for her to use the laser. Jessica hasn’t used the laser on her for so long that she doesn’t even remember doing it. AND IT’S A CAT TOY!! The cat doesn’t chase it, the dog does.

See, here’s the thing, I want to apply it to Bipolar Disorder and maybe other illnesses, but I just can’t think of a similar situation. I mean, I want to say something like, “I can retrain my brain and rid myself of my illness by using Neuroplasticity and remapping my neuro pathways… change me on a physical level… BE CURED OF THIS CRAP!

All I can think of is can I train myself to react in better ways than I do. Can I be trained to respond to situations, to people, to everything and improve my thinking and my behavior so I seem like I’m getting better? Like I’m cured?

I know as well as anyone else who has Bipolar does, that this thing cannot be cured. It can be masked. It can have help in controlling it’s symptoms. But it won’t go away.

It would be so incredibly awesome if my brain could be remapped, conditioned like Bailey’s is.

Bailey is so amazing. She remembers tricks I taught her years ago. She just prefers not to do them for me. She’ll do them for my kids, not for me. Little shit. Well, that’s how it goes.

Maybe my brain has learned some tricks and it will only perform for other people. I wonder. Wait! I wonder who it could be trained for. Nah, I’m not going there.

I understand that my brain really can be changed using neuroplasticity. I’ve done studied it off and on over the years and I honestly believe it can change my brain. Can it cure me of the monster that runs my brain? I don’t think so. I guess it could. Maybe. But I don’t think so. (This is a great topic for a different post!)

Bailey is terribly funny when she tries to chase lasers that aren’t there. Jessica is a turd for teasing her. (I’m going to try to get a video of it so you can see just how strange it is.)Maybe, part of the difficulties that are a part of Bipolar, namely my behavior, can be modified in the same way that I’d like to retrain Bailey to stop looking for lasers. Isn’t that why I see counselors year after endless year? To retrain my behavior? The counselor can’t cure me. That’s not why I see them. I see them so I can be told how to stop acting like I have Bipolar. Um, okay, I’d better stop there.

“Point” is… dog looking for invisible laser… way funny.

The Funny Things People Tell You

Sometimes my professors at the University share things with us. This is kooky. Hope you enjoy it.

Medieval helpdesk

Reminds me of all those phone calls from my mom when 3.5 floppy disks came out. Oiy!

It’s so windy here today that my front door is whistling and scaring both Bailey and I. We’re waiting for the power to go out.

Hope you all have a safe, and if you can, a peaceful day.

Robin