I wrote this a few days ago. Today, I’ve just returned from walking my wonderful dog out in the beautiful sunny day and now I’m experiencing a sudden downward swing. Time to see if I can follow my own advice…… Stay tuned….

How can I prepare how to deal with an episode when every single one is different and while in one I generally can’t control my emotions? That’s a good question.

The first thing I’ve done is to make sure I always have enough meds on hand and that the boxes I put them in are always filled. This way when I start not remembering whether or not I’ve taken them I can just look at the box. I take meds in both the morning, afternoon and the evening. I have the most trouble remembering to listen to my alarm reminding me to take my mid-day meds.

Second, I try to live in such a way as to not provoke myself into going bonkers. When I do go off my already teetering rocker I have to fall back on my intellect and take my meds when I’m supposed to. Today I went for a walk in the beautiful sunny weather. 30 minutes later I feel sad.

Third, I tell a safe person what’s happening. I don’t have friends who I can call and tell I’m cracking up. And I’m getting another new counselor (my fifth at this clinic) because this one is retiring so I’m not likely to call her. Besides, even if I did the clinic is so busy I wouldn’t be able to talk to her or get in to see her sooner. So, I can talk to my Mom although sometimes she’s part of the problem. How can I talk to her and it be helpful rather than make things worse? We have a prearranged thing where I get ahold of her and ask if she has some time to listen because I need to dump. Usually this helps take some off the top and I know someone knows I’m having a hard time and that she’ll keep in closer contact with me without bugging me to death.

My three kids are my other safe people. They are all old enough to help walk with me while I’m in a “state”. We talk and they talk back. I usually let them talk to me rather than making them just listen. They usually have good ideas. Mostly, they don’t let me wallow in my own mental and emotional pool of piddle. Sometimes they bully me and sometimes that’s what I need.

Fourth, I give myself some space. I give myself permission to be who I am and accept that I have these times I go through and I also remind myself, if I can, that it will pass. It always passes.

Fifth, I never put myself in a situation where I can injure myself if things really go south. So, no guns or extra meds in the house. I may even have one of my safe people come over and watch me fill my pill boxes. Sometimes I’ll even have them pick up something from the pharmacy for me. They know when I’m depressed, it’s sometimes hard to get myself to do that.

I’m sure there are more but that’s what I can think of for now. I need to call my daughter. Maybe asking about her day will help me be lifted up a bit.