Bipolar – I’m afraid to be alone

My kids are all leaving the nest. Jessica has been gone nearly 3 years. Sydney is planning on living on campus in the fall though she will be attending UWT as will Kyle. Kyle, Kyle stays with me because he knows financially I can’t make it on my own. He also knows I’m terrified I can’t live alone.

ALSO, I’m terrified I won’t remember to take my meds or eat or take care of my puppy and cats. What if I fall? What if I take the wrong meds?

What if I’m just . . . alone?

I haven’t been alone since before I was married in the winter of 1989.

Maybe it will be like when I was so manic before and I achieved such soaring heights in my professional life… and crashed with greatness.

When I was at home and they were all at school my brain and I were very busy. Yes, I talk to myself. No, I do not hear voices telling me what to do. It was like part of a plan was coming together.

But I know I could bring my very slowly increasing credit history crashing down in an instant. I refuse to let that happen again.

I know, easier said than done.

I’ll just take it one minute at a time. Just one at a time….

Good night my friends.

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