I Pissed Myself Off Again!

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My Mom and her dog.

I asked my mom to come over to my house with her dog so they could hang out with my dog and I and we could have some positive bonding time together. Things didn’t go so well. Let’s put it this way, when I’m upset Bailey, my dog, sits basically on my feet till I calm down. After I was done yelling at my mom for secretly triggering all my triggers, I realized Bailey was leaning against my leg.

I knew I should have taken a chill pill before she came over.

I shouldn’t have to take a chill pill before I see my mother.

It wasn’t her fault. She triggered all her triggers and I responded in the time honored tradition of a bitchy and disrespectful daughter. Maybe over all I was right and she had no business being a blockhead. Maybe she’s 73 and I should have kept my mouth shut when she first crossed the initial line and complained about my wanting to rent a movie on TV for $16. How can I spend so much money?!

I’m sad.

I made my mom cry. I asked her why she was crying and she said she just still does sometimes. My dad passed just over a year ago. She didn’t blame me or the old family photos I was sharing with her.

Personally, I think it was because her adult daughter is sick and will never be normal. I think she feels like she’s always going to have to take care of me. Maybe it breaks her heart. I know it would break mine.

So yeah, I pissed myself off again by missing every single point when I could have chosen to stop and back pedal. All that was left afterwards was to apologize and try to figure out how to not rise to the occasion next time because there will be a next time.

I’ll see her in the morning. I hope I can be respectful and keep my damn mouth shut.

I shall try.

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