When you’re bipolar and you’re feeling down about yourself it’s not easy to think of your future beyond getting through the day much less try to figure out what you want out of life… What your passion in life is.
I have to admit that I’ve never held a job for more than a year. Then I freak out and quit.
I once started a business in a blazing manic state and it was awesome and I loved it and it looked like it was going to be going to go a long way and then I crashed and burned and took my company down into depression with me. It was the best job I ever had. I loved it. I loved doing the work and I was excited every day to work. (It was a homebased business.)
Some people have started working what we think are our dream jobs or careers and then have crashed and burned in the flames of bipolar emotion. We may have an episode of either depression or mania and can’t control ourselves and may do and say things that are inappropriate. Or, maybe we can’t get ourselves to go to work at all. There are so many reasons that things can go wrong. One of my jobs was a sales job where I just drove around all day. I couldn’t get myself to go into the businesses and even try to make sales to existing customers. The only person that ever fired me was my own brother and I agreed with his decision.
Let me ask you this: Do you know what you want to do with your life? Do you have a passion you’re following? Do you love what you’re doing? Or does bipolar depression keep you from even thinking about it?
Our emotions make it difficult to discover what our purpose, our passion in life is. Let’s face it when you feel like your brain has ostrich poop in it you’re not thinking about what you want to do with your life. In fact, there may be times when you’re thinking of not living at all.
I think many times we get excited about doing something and then the enthusiasm wains and maybe we have an episode and we stop. It seems like there are STOP signs all over the place.
For me, I just want to follow my passion with all my heart. I want it to be my life’s purpose. Unfortunately, sometimes for weeks on end I can’t even get myself to open my laptop much less do something as exciting as chasing after my passion.
My daughters both think they know what they want to do in life, they believe they’ve found their careers and I hope that they can stick with these goals throughout their schooling (although we all know how college students usually change their majors at least once). My son has no idea what he wants to do. Talking with him about it causes him to be uncomfortable and annoyed. He has no clue. It does not cause him any distress that he doesn’t know. It does me, but that’s because I’m his mom and I want more for him than to work at a car wash. I do love that he loves his job. You know what I admire about him? He gives his job his best effort every day. I’m very proud of him. I wish I could be so comfortable about myself. Maybe one day.