Today I’m at the air show at Washington State’s JBLM military installation watching an air show with my daughter Jessica. It’s good to get out of the house when I’m Hypomanic. I need to do more than sit on the sofa and watch TV or read a book or color (I’ve taken up coloring as a way to disengage my thoughts from my many ruminations).
Having no friends I tend to do nothing but depress myself. I should be unpacking, not just spinning my wheels, which is what I do being of mixed state and being Hypomanic and depressed is what I tend to do. School starts soon and I need to be physically, emotionally and mentally ready. I’m not doing so well getting ready.
I am addressing my Hypomania. Instead of just having a ton of figity energy Jessica is giving me reasons to get off my duff. I’ve started walking again at her encouragement and want to lose weight to be more healthy and, of course, to feel better than I have been, which is fat. Jessica just moved and needs to unpack too. She’s still going through a lot having just gotten out of the military.
The more active I can be, the less I suffer from the adverse impact of the disease. Just exercise doesn’t seem to do it. I seem to need to be engaged with people. Once she and I go to school we’ll have less time together, but I’ll be interacting with people at school.
What I’ve been reminded of is that medication and counseling aren’t enough. I have to try to actively fight this Bipolar, this mental illness.
I refuse to lose to the illness within me.