Bipolar – Frustrating Anxiety


cell I flung open the curtains in the living room this morning and the big curtain came loose in the middle and crashed down on top of me. That was how I started my day, with a curtain on my head. Stress.

I’m very frustrated. I have a teacher that quizzes or tests us every week on stuff he hasn’t taught us about. I’m paying a lot of money to not learn anything. I’m not sure what to do. I have a pretty good GPA right now, but this class load is pretty challenging so I don’t know what it will be after the quarter. I have a tendency to want to get unrealistically grades. I’m being a perfectionist I guess. I’m struggling with anxiety over this five question quiz. Then next week we have a test.

I want to enjoy learning and going to school. I don’t want to use all my energy stressing out. I’m trying to be calm, not anxious. This class isn’t helping. I’m going to have to go and talk to the teacher and just tell him how I’ve been studying. I know other people are doing the same thing I’m doing. He has to know that we don’t know what he’s doing.

It’s like when my anxiety went ballistic a few weeks ago. No one was around with any answers to help me.

I’m watching the Seahawks Cardinals game. It’s in overtime and almost over. Seattle has a chance to win the game. Oops. These guys on the field are playing their hearts out. There we go. Tie game in overtime.

I want the same opportunity in my class but I don’t know how to get it.

I think I’ll take Bailey out to go to the bathroom. I need a break from my break.

I thought poetry was going to be my challenging class but this bloody biology class beats it hands down. I’ve been in a state of amped up anxiety since this class started.

So how to stop it. This sort of anxiety isn’t what I’m supposed to use my chill pills for. Sometimes I do have panic attacks while studying or in class, but this isn’t one of those situations.

I just want to quit trying. I feel like I’ve given it more than its share of effort and I need some down time.

I did actively do something both yesterday and today to lower my anxiety. I went for a 30-minute walk around the neighborhood. I’m still getting to know the area and I’m uncomfortable walking around where there are dogs in practically every other yard barking at us. I’m always worried that one will get out and attack us.

See how it is? I worry about anything.

The insurance company is talking about totaling my car. I can’t afford to replace it with a car in as good as condition as it is in. Stress.

I will focus on this quiz review stuff for a few more minutes and then I’ll do something else before bed. I’ll give myself a little extra time in the morning to review my notes a little bit more. Then I’m going to go to school and do my best. It’s all I can do at this point. I’ve even got a study partner and she can’t find the answers to the review questions either.

Crap.

Stress.

Anxiety.

I can do without it.

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