Bipolar – Afraid to Complain – What’s Normal?


A few years ago I moved into the city. It’s my first city.

I grew up on a ranch. We had some acreage and there were trails, trees, ponds and streams I played in. To call my dad in for lunch we might have to yell at him far across the way or try to out yell his bulldozer. Honest. Bulldozer.

There are many more reasons like this I could give you as to why I’m so noisy… so very loud – but let me toss out two other ideas and then I’ll explain about being afraid.

Carol Burnett used to do her version of the Tarzan yell on her variety show. At some point when my kids were little I started doing my Tarzan yell out over Alder Lake above Alder Dam. I’d cup my funds around my mouth and cut loose. My voice, my yell, just as loud as it wanted to be, that’s what I let it do.

As loud as I could… I’d yell… I’d echo… louder… louder — RUSH!

Let it all go. Wow –

I’m a self-acknowledged loud person. Yep. Loud. I get excited or angry or whatever, and I’m loud.

Loud seems built into me. It’s a fundamental part of who I am.

WHAT are you talking ABOUT?

Ahh eehhh… I have a serious mood disorder. One might say that at times I have a mood/volume disorder. See?

Angry = loud.

Joyful = loud.

And so on.

Our neighbors, here in my first city, are loud. I mean nearly Tarzan loud ( okay, maybe not that loud). They are on the next street and two houses down but we can hear their music in our living room over the TV.

Tonight I just wanted to sit in my first back yard, in my first house, in my first house and chill. As I sat there I found myself growing angrier and angrier. That bloody music.

When I mix all the bits and thoughts I’ve just mentioned about being loud I stop myself from complaining about this new noise… because what if I’m still loud like that? I have this mood disorder. I’ve always been noisy. Am I allowed to expect others to treat my ears with respect if I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to always do the same?

Damn it Robin, just call the “non-emergency” police number and explain. Okay, you live in a city. Regular moody people can be selfish and rude and loud too, it’s a city.

Woman! Be a good citizen and be willing to stop being afraid to complain.

Complain righteously, be confident, be an equal citizen – get some sleep.

You mean???

Yes. You’re being normal. Complain.

Ahh… finally, it is all quite. Until the next firework goes off.

I’m good.

Good heavens do I like to release my moods with my Tarzan yell… but not in my city. I want to be a good citizen.

Am I being normal? Or really confused?

Love to hear what you think. Please post a comment.

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