I’ve always believed that having the expansive emotions Bipolar lugs along with it provides a certain super power when it comes to writing, and especially to writing fiction.

I’ve long known known of something that isn’t quit as exciting- the tendency to over-react with extreme prejudice, at least from a typical persons point of view.

I flipped out when I learned I had to wear a CPAP. OMG! Something smothering me, holding me down all night? I’m not breathing when I sleep? Wait, I never sleep. I don’t understand what’s happening. I have questions. So many questions. Always questions. Never answers.

We’re about to leave for thumb surgery. Easy least, right? Sure. Sure. My first knee replacement resulted in two blood clots and a year later the joint actually completely failed and had to be replaced. Fun times. I know, this is different.

Last week, the day after I learned I have the sleep thingie, we saw a doctor about some dental implants. I have the unfortunately powerful genes my father has passed down and my brittle teeth abandoned ship several years ago. To allow me to have any chance at having normal teeth (it gets complicated) I need to come up with $50k. In less than a year. My jaw bone is already almost too far gone to use and I’ll need a bone graft. I’m 56.

Those emotions.

Other people have much worse problems. I know that. I understand that… and yet… I also don’t.

It’s off to see the wizard, to beta brand new bit of thumb. Time to slow down and learn to breathe if I can – no, I will. I must, if I hope to change. If I hope to harness these extraordinary emotions for good I must try to understand them and work always to work with them, rather than trying to suppress them.

Wish me luck and be well my friend.

Robin

You can write me at: Robin.paterson.redux@gmail.com