It’s too late for me to tell you a story about how this came about. I do want you to know about it though because it has completely changed the way I look at my life.
I’m legally disabled because of a very difficult mental health diagnosis that I deal with all the time. More than one, actually.
I feel pressured to do all sorts of things during my days, but I never do them. Not much anyway. My mental health sticks me like a very long needle, making doing anything so very difficult.
Clean, read an instructive book, blah, blah.
I don’t have to. This is what I realized today. I’m not getting the things done anyway so why don’t I just do what I, want to do? It’s my life. I’m LEGALLY disabled. This proves to ME that it’s ok to have such a hard time. Weird, okay. That’s me.
I can do whatever I want to.
Generally, people who assume that they do not struggle with mental illness view me, as a self-appointed representative of all people who should improve their mental health; both those who have been diagnosed with a mental illness and those who are not diagnosed, and those who want to improve it.
So yeah. Try it. You choose what you want to do.
Want to turn out better work at your job than you have been doing? Then do it. You don’t need anyone’s permission.
Want to blow up a balloon and pop it behind your annoying son? Do it.
Do not use this as an excuse to quit your job or leave your partner. Don’t be daft.
I going to have to go now. I want to read a bit more about George Orwell’s “1984” and a really fantastically written book by Kate Quinn called “The Rose Code.” It’s about three women meeting and doing life together at the code braking center at Bletchley Park in the UK during WW2. Remember the Enigma code and Alan Turing?
If you’re curious about Bletchley Park and code breaking you might check out these sites begin with: (Why am I telling you this? Isn’t this site about mental health and mental illness? *See the end of the post.)
I’ll stop now. Do you know how excited I get?!
Tonight and from now on, I pledge to try to do what I want and claim that bit of peace that comes with being in control for a moment.
But don’t come for me if I’m only human… and I fail at sometimes, but sometimes I fly.
2 thoughts on “Legally Disabled, At Home, Unable to Work. And I FEEL GUILTY”
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REALIZATION: Reading this led me to realize something about
myself. I definitely have degrees of eagerness or reluctance l do a
thing. The bottom of the list is balancing my account books. I
usually put it off until about an hour before bedtime. Then I have to
do something if I don’t want it hanging over my head the next day.
The top of the list is looking things up of the computer. I love
looking up information. The very top of the list is researching a
project. I can loose myself in it. I relax and the world goes
away. Reading used to be high on my list, but my eyesight makes it
difficult. Our minds are all different.