Category Archives: Sleeplessness

Bipolar-A Strategy I Use to Deal with Stress

I think I slept last night, but I don’t feel that way. I did morning stuff: fed the pets, dog potty, morning pills, coffee, etc. It didn’t help. So, when my millenials got up around 11, I chatted for a few minutes then went to take a nap. I never, hardly ever, take naps.

I was interrupted by noise (mostly barking, a cat talking way too loud and the kitten popping under the bed every she hear all the commotion. Eventually I left my room and scolded them. (Sure, like that’s gonna work.)

Later… everyone quieted down, but I could hear Bailey outside my door waiting for me. First barking and now love. Of course I let her in and in a few minutes she and the kitty are on my bed sleeping soundly next to each other. Well, accept for when Savvy heard “something.” She’s a cat so who knows what she heard. They looked so cute.

I’m brainwashed. YouTube and cute dogs and cats loving each other. Have you noticed that the dog often seems to let the kitten do whatever, whether or not they respond? That’s how Bailey is. Of course I had too take pictures. Yeah, now I’m keeping myself awake. Smart.

We napped together.
Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

Time to get to business. My brain needs a nap. Seriously.

I put the heating pad under my shoulders so my bed would be comfy. It felt good. Bailey and Savvy were sound asleep. That always helps me calm down. I turned on some jazz music on my iPad. (YouTube premium doesn’t have commercials so I can sleep all tonight without an add freaking me out.) Now what? Uhhh… My brain is still too stimulated.

Time for my secret weapon – myself.

After years of experimenting I’ve come up with a routine that works for me… sometimes.

  • Turn on jazz music (Or maybe classical. It can’t have words.)
  • Get in a comfy position
  • Close eyes
  • Attempt to focus
  • Ummm… right, pull my blanket over my eyes (and sometimes around the top of my head too)
  • I imagine myself withdrawing into my mind where there is peace and rest
  • Thoughts come along and distract me. I acknowledge them and send them on their way imaging them as clouds having no substance
  • I want to write something down but I don’t. I remind myself that if it’s that important I’ll remember it when I get up.
  • My mind begins to relax
  • I encourage it by keeping my eyes closed and imagining my eyes rolling up in my head as I think, “This is what passing out in and exhausted sleep is like. It seems darker now. Peaceful.”
  • Jazz – ride the music. It’s all I hear. I think it. I ride it as I drift off to sleep.

Then my mom calls me. Yep. She seems to always know when to call. I put my phone on “do not disturb,” but my “important people” list comes though. I always want my family to be able to reach me, except when I’m napping. I mute the ringer. Sigh, see I have 20 minutes of my allotted time left. I allow sleep to take me again.

Then I re-enter the land of the mostly awake and grumble, not that I’m feeling better of course, that they could have stopped the dog from continuing to bark for five whole minutes. Kyle smiled. Sigh.

STRESS COMING…..

I check my messages: This is your mother. Call me.

Seriously? She couldn’t have just called the other two people I live with? “Would you guys like to come over and play cards today.” No, I wouldn’t. I have plans. I actually have real plans. No, not tonight. After 57 years that it’s okay for me to say, “no.”

No. Jessica, ask her if we can do it after Kyle gets off work tomorrow. She did. We are. My shoulders go back down a few inches.

“Oh, dad’s coming over at three.”

Excuse me?

Their father isn’t polite to me. I say hello, how are you. He says, “Fine.” And… that is the entire conversation unless I keep asking questions. The house is a complete disaster. It’s 1:30. Why aren’t you cleaning the house up? (Now three is in one hour.) Don’t I always run around like a stupid chicken and try to clean house before people come over? They agree. Well???

Kyle smiles… a little devil still.

Irrationally I feel like someone who violates me emotionally is coming to my home without my permission. He’s not coming inside. Go out to his car. He can’t come in. “Sure.”

My shoulders are back up. I sigh again, get some juice and head for a hot shower.

Remember, he’s not coming in. If you have to, tell him I said he can’t. Tell him I’m not comfortable him. No.

See, I’ve finally learned it’s okay, even really good, for me to say no. I don’t want to do that. It’s okay. Buy my shoulders are back up. They’ll go back down later. I think. I’ll have to talk to my brain about it later. For now, shower. Just think about the shower.

Sure. Sigh…

But I had a nap. My choice.

This is just one way I deal with my days. Sometimes it’s like this everyday. Sometimes, regardless of what I do I have to take a chill pill (for anxiety), then try to calm down a little later.

I have a mood disorder. It’s a good thing for me to be able to manage myself. And, sometimes I can’t do that. I just can’t.

But that’s another post.

Be well. Take care of yourselves and don’t let your emotions freak you out. As for me, I’m planning on having a fantastic afternoon, after their dad leaves and I feel a bit calmer. I will feel calmer. I might have to resort to playing a game or cleaning fish tanks or something, but I’ll try. I’m able to do that today.

Take away: Figure out things that work for you when you are stressing out. Don’t just say you can’t do it. You have to try. Even “normal” brains have to do that.

Figure it out. Fight your brain. Turn those harmful emotions away. Say, “No.”

You can do it.

Taking a Moment for Myself, Even Though I Can’t Sleep

So often I start to flip the panic switch in my brain when I can’t sleep… because I believe that I KNOW that I’ll be overcome by anxiety, exhausted, irritable and so on. I’ll be angry.

That’s been the situation too many times lately. I takes time to affect change, to see what will work and what won’t.

In the meantime, I’m taking about 8 minutes to slow down, to deliberately pause and cut myself some slack. I usually find it easier to do things like this using music. I’ve been listening to “Peaceful Day” and I really enjoy it. It’s very short. It’s beautiful. It’s restive. I think you might like it. Check it out!

Peaceful Day

Please Help Me Sleep

Sleep by Magic

“I can sleep anywhere. Let me give you a helpful tip…”

I made this playlist to help me get to sleep and stay that way longer because most nights are really rough and my body acts like it hates sleep.


Now, I’m certain that you and I both know that a lack of sleep can wreak havoc on every area of our lives. In fact, the less sleep that I have, the more bonkers I feel, I think, and I act.

I started playing it on my phone but it was getting too hot. Since then, I’ve taken to using my iPad. I plug it in to charge and have no problem.

I usually start at the third video, but you could go right to the music if you like.

I’d love to know what you think about the playlist. If you could try it for a week or so and let me know how it goes I’d be ever so grateful.

I’ve been developing these “Sleep Aid” playlists for some time now and I’m particularly happy with this one.

Oh, and by-the-by, if you like, make your own playlist to sleep to using these videos or search for something that may work better for you.

Sleep by Magic

Goodnight Tip
If you find sleep is avoiding you and anxiety is growing deep inside, try to remember this:  In the morning the sun will rise. In the evening it will set again. The cycle goes on: wash – rinse – repeat. Sleep will come. It will. The problem comes when we try to force it. When we do that, well, it will run and you may face to wait for the cycle to go all the way around again.

Be at peace. You’ve got this. If not right this moment, then soon.

Be well my friends.

Robin

Sleep by Magic

This is What No Sleep Looks Like

It is easy to say, “I haven’t been sleeping well for the last week.” It is less easy to give people, even medical people, a snapshot of exactly what the brain (my brain at least) is doing… while it isn’t sleeping.

I’ve not slept over two hours at a time for the last four nights. Sometimes I nod off durning the day for a little bit. While I was not sleeping last night, I thought I’d write a simple post. None of this has been edited or changed to make myself sound less… well less… you’ll see. (I’m pasting in the Word Doc I was writing in. I’ve had to adjust for line breaks because WordPress is printing the text without line breaks all the way across the screen and into the side bar drop down lists and such. I also had to adjust for tablet viewing.) This is how it went:

I’m so tired. I’m going back to aleep in just a few minutes, but I want to ahare sometjin kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

I just fell asleep. It’s been three nights since I’ve flee;dddddddddddddddddddddddddddlk,…….

Sorry.

I thought my back pain was undercontr; aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaao

Ve bp,

I did it again. I’m trying to drink decaf= c========= crap.

I’m trying to say that sleep is important. It donesn’t see s n

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’’’’’’’’’’’’

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Alright, time to go to bed agin, fiftjrlkkkkkkkkkkk. This is js=

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That’s all of it. I went to bed and slept a while. I’m not sure for how long. I’m sure this must seem silly, and you might even be considering whether or not I made it up. I have a good imagination, but this is too boring. As is everyone’s right, you may interpret it as you will. As for me… I’m going to take a nap. I’m starting to nod off again. Lordy…

Can You Sleep?

I’m always putting together playlists to sleep to. I have a rough time getting to sleep, and, of course, staying that way.

My choice for tonight is smooth jazz.

I hope that you’ll check it out. If you like what I’ve selected, please LIKE it. If you enjoy selections like this I’ll be sure to find more for you.

Merry Christmas

Merry Merryday!!

Sleep well my friend.

And good night.

Respectfully,

Robin