Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Mom – Breaking it Down

/ Robin

Sometimes you gotta make a list and then follow with a goat and a horse. 

The last 5 days on speed dial:
Friday – Son in 1st accident: not his fault. Emergency room visit: deep bruising. Car towed.
Saturday – Car lost at random impound lot.
Monday – AAA finally finds car. Insurance finally connected to car and myself (same insurance companies for both drivers)
Monday -I get Lumbar shot (steroid) to try to ease chronic pain.
Tuesday – Father diagnosed with cancer and being sent for a PET scan (today-Wed.)
Tuesday – Spoke on phone to my good friend C in FL. It was good.
Tuesday – Youngest daughter who goes to one of the SOTA high schools spoke to a thousand people in a conference on internships.
Wednesday – Eldest daughter enrolled in community college of the (whatever the military call it. sorry, hon, mom forgets.;0)
Wednesday – Visit with Chronic Pain mgmt. clinic: muscles are spasmed, new med. Father having PET scan.
Tomorrow – Med provider appt.

YESTERDAY – (That would be Tuesday for those of you keeping track.) The people that own a few acres on the hill in front of our house have planted horses. They have two and a pony. I’m not sure why. We had horses and we rode them all the time. (Let me interject here that these people did not have goats.)

I and my puppy Bailey were looking out the front windows to see what some commotion was all about. We heard a very angry mother screaming: “You can’t chase them like dogs! They’re goats!” We saw a white-ish horse run back and forth and back and forth and faster and faster. We saw a dirty horse attempt to do the same but it did look like someone had it on a long lead.

The two goats did goat things and were happy jumping here and there and making goat sounds. I was laughing too hard by that time to be sure what was going on. We saw the pony do what ponies do best…. whatever the hell they want. On and on it went. We got tired and sat down.

This morning I took each of the two kids still at home to the bus at different times. I went to my appointments and ran errands. I came home. Had lunch and played with Bailey. . . . I’m not going to tell you life keeps going and everything is going to be okay or that I’m awesome because that would be me talking out someone else’s top hat. No, this is what I will leave you with for now.

I swear to god I just heard those goats again.   ;0)

Your friend, Robin

Bipolar – Humiliation and Money

/ Robin

Money.

If you’re like me you’ve messed up your finances more that 4 or 5 times. Maybe you live on a small income from the State and help from your mother who is 72. I find being poor humiliating. Please don’t tell me I shouldn’t. I do. I will. I suppose. How about you?

One of my kids suggested to me that I go to GoFundMe and try to raise money so I could go see my eldest in the military clear across the country. She’s my best friend. I miss her so. The other two kids and I have totally unique relationships with me. I love them all so much. But back to money and humiliation.

I’ve started a fund raising drive on GoFundMe. I let it post it to Facebook so all my friends know now. Today I added an update telling them everything accept that I’m Bipolar. I’ll do that tomorrow. Hopefully someone will have read it by then so they won’t be to blindsided when they learn it. I even put both the last names I use. I’ve tried to keep my Bipolar writings separate from my other work and world. Have you done that too?  With Google and Facebook hooking everything together it’s hard to do. So now all my “friends” know me by my maiden name and my married name. They can find this blog if they look for me. I’m out there now.

So my friends let me show you what I’ve done and put forth the same inquiry to you that I have to everyone else. Will you help me?

Bipolar – Good Pride

/ Robin

A few hours ago my eldest daughter became a certified air traffic controller!
I’m so proud.  I wish I could afford to go see her.  She’s in Florida and I’m in Washington State.

This is one happy mom!

Check out her new thingie.

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Bipolar – Remember the the Phoenix

/ Robin / 1 Comment

Remember the Phoenix

I learned that today. I listen to college level courses at The Great Courses and today I was listening to “Mind, Body Medicine: new science of optimal health” and in the lesson the instructor said something like this:

Never forget the phoenix for the ashes.

I’ve heard that or similar sayings before. I had just spent the last 3 hours trying not to break down and cry after pouring some coffee for myself. And no, I did not spill it. But I did sit down and realize I need to get on top of what was happening with me quickly. I took my prescribed medications for these situations.

I don’t remember how exactly I managed it but I went through the part of my lesson for today and started meditating. No, I’m not religious in any way. But, meditation is a discipline unto itself and is time tested to heal the human mind. I’m willing to give it a go. So I spent the 30 seconds I was able to focus on sitting down when I stood up to try again. Why? The lecturer said I could if I wanted to. So I did.

Oh, yes, the lecture was partly on meditation. I forgot my address today. My social security number two days ago and my phone number and my soc number mixed together (the first three numbers are the same, just in different ways.). So, forgive me for getting this mixed up. Oh my stars. (Thank you Bewitched)

Then I looked at my puppy Bailey and remembered that she’s learning to be my companion/service dog. I needed to let her be that for me now. I trained her. It’s great because our attention spans are about the same. 5-15 minutes tops. We trained three times today. The last time she carried a piece of mail from the mailbox all the way to the house, in the house and up the stairs. Wow! This was only the second time I’ve tried to get her to carry the mail. She did it the first time, but I got it from her at the door.

So Bailey and a bird called the Phoenix reminded me that I need to take care of myself every minute.

My father is 73 and has a two inch spot in his lung. We’ve had our differences and aren’t buddies, but… he’s my dad.

I would like to not have ADHD so I can deal with one thing at a time, one thing at a time. Uhh… Makes me crazy. Me, my brain… makes me “crazy”.

Peace to the Phoenix. More soon my friend.

Bipolar – Glued by Medication

/ Robin

I’m feeling better now. At this moment. Better. Although I did think about my daughter who is and Airman in the United States Air Force over at MacDill, FL (I’m near Seattle). I was going through photos of her while looking through my pics for a suitable one of her to use . That’s all it took. She has always been my best friend. My rock. She doesn’t have to say anything. She just is there. When she was here we loved doing a lot of the same things or found it pretty easy to tolerate ones didn’t like. Drives to Mount Rainier were frequent and other close by places off in nature’s year round greenery. We are fortunate here in the Evergreen State.

I looked at pictures of her and I cried. I calmed down, and then I cried. My son just got home a bit ago and I told him. I started crying again. I was able to get myself to stop more easily this time, but by now I headache. Because of my meds I’m reduced to just taking Tylenol for headaches.

Yesterday I slept most of the day. Blah. Not as bad as being depressed out of my mind, but when you’re sleeping at awkward moments it can be about as bad. I don’t remember a thing. Today was better. A little adjustment in the timing of medications can work wonders.