Manic Temper

Now I remember why I’m single. I’m angry. I’m pretty angry. I don’t like being angry.

I don’t want to be a clingy mother. I’d like to have a smooth transition to my son moving out. However, I expected my son to be here at 7 last night to finish filling up the dumpster before the neighbors did and he didn’t show and he didn’t call. He gave me his word he’d be home before 7, but and he got home around 9 I was pissed. By 9 it was dark and the neighbors had already filled the dumpster up the rest of the way. I really expected him to show up when he said he was going to be here. His excuse, which he gave me at 9:15, was that they were stuck in the fast food line. Freaking call me! His girlfriend would be upset with him if she knew he was breaking his word to me. It’s not okay with her for him to disrespect me.

Okay, he’s 21 and will be moving out in a few months. Does it matter? Not to me. He actually gave me his word that he’d be back before 7. It was important to me also because he’s had a habit lately of not showing up when he says he’s coming home. Like last weekend, he was supposed to be home early Saturday morning to help me clean out the garage and put it in the dumpster (getting ready to move) and then we were going to take his girlfriend and her dog Goofy and my dog Bailey and go to the park for a walk. By afternoon not only hadn’t we talked about when we were going to meet at the park, I hadn’t heard from him at all. He didn’t answer his phone, neither texts nor voice.

I’m feeling feelings I’ve not had in a while and I don’t like it. Last night I wanted to be destructive and explain loudly with slammed doors for punctuation why I was so angry. I didn’t ask for much. Be home when you say you will. Didn’t happen.

I’m happy single. Sure I miss the companionship sometimes. But I don’t miss the opportunities for anger.

Think I’m over reacting and having a bipolar moment? I’m human, just like you and I’m just having normal feelings of disappointment with someone I trust breaking their word to me, yet again. Last night we talked it over and he apologized. I think he understands. I think he does. He said he did. This morning I’m still having some residual feelings of irritation.

I find that even though my kids are all grown up now (ages 25, 21 and 18) I still expect them to behave the way I raised them. One of the things I taught them was to keep their word. I’d like to think that as their mom they’d treat me especially well.

Time will tell. I’m still feeling annoyed, but I forgive him.

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