I’ve written about triggers and how important it is to find them and avoid them so we can avoid the next looming episode. I just had my daughter and her fiancée over for dinner and to give them a few directions on training their puppy. I thought they were open to listening to what I had to say, that maybe they respected the way I’d trained my dog (with a trainer for $!000, real training) and were ready to listen since their puppy is pretty out of control. I was excited all day that they were coming over and that they wanted to know what I could teach them.

I shouldn’t have made that assumption. It was trigger city.

The first thing that went wrong was that Sydney (daughter) didn’t tell Toni that her lipstick wasn’t surviving dinner well. Toni got mad and stalked off to the bathroom.

Then we talked about training their puppy that they have labeled as a “service animal” and that they’ll need a “choke” chain to train her. Toni got on her self-righteous soap box and informed me she wouldn’t ever choke her dog. Using their harness and flat collar was going to be fine. Maybe. But that’s not what the experts taught me. With puppies this age (4 months) treats are the preferred method, but she’s going to get bigger very fast.

Also I don’t appreciate her lack of thanks or respect. Sydney already disrespects me like while she came in the kitchen and busted open cheddar cheese crackers I bought for her brother and started eating them by the handful even though dinner was nearly done and I had told her they were for her brother. It amuses her to make her brother’s life more difficult. The problem is I paid for that food. Not her brother.

They’re gone now. The puppy pooped on my carpet. I’ve loaned them my training book and dvd. They didn’t say thanks for either one. I suggested they buy their own and they said they probably couldn’t afford it. I know they can. They just got their financial aid from school. I’m not going this quarter so I don’t have any new income.

Now I’m sad. I took a chill pill before they got here and I’m glad I did. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I hadn’t.

I was going to try to keep my post short tonight, but I’m not feeling super fabulous.

It makes me wonder what kind of mother I really was. I’m going to stop myself from ruminating over this tonight. That will just make things worse.

Maybe it was minor. Maybe I’m over reacting. It’s what I do. I’m sad and feel unloved.

I done been triggered.