The day was glorious! Everything was better than I’d imagined.
No, I didn’t fall off the emotion “wagon.”
But I was close. I almost thought about it. I could tell I was crashing like someone running out of a huge rush and it scared me.
I’d been on a long drive and played with my dog without a leash on, a fence to restrict her, or other dogs to act weird. Spending time in our favorite places was amazing.
TRIGGER: She leaves for a two week trip to China on Friday.
TRIGGER: I’ve radically changed my diet and am exercising more… as my body will allow.
TRIGGER: The house is messy and my response is to feel like I’m out of control.
Remember – It isn’t necessary for me to control everything. Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re doing great. Honestly, look at all you’ve been able to teach your counselor about having a daughter (youngest) who is becoming a son.
TRIGGER: Oh heck! Not again! A great day that ended with my feeling a bit of depression stun me.
And then – the time arrived. Would I fully and finally trip the TRIGGER at the end of our day? Jessica was at work by this time.
Decide. What will you do? Last time no one believed it happened. Watch this video. It’s from Friday night. 30 years ago I would have completely last my mind.
Finally, despite all the triggers, I stayed calm. I keep breathing. Take my meds. And document the evidence proving all the naysayers wrong. Lookie, I even drew on the pic.
My intention, is to keep on keeping on.
Nah, not stopping there. While I am able, I will always grow nearer to the best version of myself that I can be. And that, has to happen continuously.
I have Bipolar Disorder, a painful and little understood illness that I will have with me until I am in my grave.
Did you watch the video? There was no screaming or things being thrown. My meds, exercise, physical therapy, dreaming big dreams, family and the zoo (especially Bailey) I was able to pull back from th he edge.
It’s hard for me right now. And yeah, I have to be up and out early tomorrow (Sunday), but it is now around 4:30 a.m.
Now that’s, a TRIGGER!
Be safe. Be well. Make good choices.
And please, leave me a comment or reach out via the Contact page.
Now git!! Go kick that fella before he realizes you’re there. 😏