Bipolar Pile Up On the Big M Double-E (Yes, That’s ME)

I’ve got to be quick tonight. I’ve agreed to go with a family member to go with them to their counselor and med provider first thing in the morning tomorrow to try to get her some much needed help.

This week has been a giant pile of poo that I’ve not very successfully navigated around. In fact, I’ve stepped in lots of it. Yesterday, I lost my mind and red lined. I screamed and yelled. I threw things and slammed doors and cupboards. I hit metal doors and kicked them just to make sure I’d smacked them enough. I haven’t been that angry, that full of rage, in a long time.

It frightens all of us. It terrifies me because I remember being lost in the rage everyday for years and the thought that I might fall and land there… it’s unthinkable. It scares my kids horribly. The son that lives with me hasn’t seen me like that. He came home after it was over and I’d already started cleaning up my mess. He got mad that I was mad.

My daughter that also lives with me, she has seen me like this and although she wants to be angry when I go through this, she knows it won’t help anyone. She waited. I finished. I cleaned up as soon as I was done.

What caused it? So many things. Right? Things pile up and up and there isn’t a proper release. Then, POP goes the weasel!

My plan is to post more frequently. I wanted to share this with you and I knew if I waited until tomorrow I’d get busy and then I never would.

I have no magic answers for how to avoid or fix myself (or anyone else) when these situations happen, and yes, they realistically will happen again. What I do know, is that if I can be resilience, if I can move forward. Let me share with you what resilience means:

Resilience is that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back at least as strong as before. Rather than letting difficulties or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes. 

Psychology Today ( ) Please read the remainder of the article.

So, for my sake and for my love for my family, I’m going to try to learn to practice more resilience.

Good night friend.


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