I’m ANGRY. I have Bipolar. I Feel Stunned. I Have Hope.

When last I wrote I talked about how I was focusing on the normal and that doing things that were usually part of my daily life should continue to be just that… part of my daily life.

This year has been unexplainable. I’ve felt so at a loss of words and when I do have words they are too many, coming too fast, are angry and sad and sometimes even afraid. Then, there are the days when I come to a realization about something, almost always about my thoughts, or behavior, or my interpretation of someone else’s in which I discover I might have been trying to impose myself upon that other person. These might be my values, morals, conduct, expectations of what a community ruled by laws, and other things.

“Belief, strong belief

Yes, I went there. My 78 year-old mother just called all her kids and grand kids and told us all to stay away from this block, only 12 blocks from my home, because tonight there was going to be a vigil at eight p.m. Tonight. A vigil for another black man who was killed while being arrested by police. This time in my city.

triggers the mind…site to see more information.

The following is a partial (and I’ll say up front – somewhat misleading quote from The Tacoma News Tribune in an article posted at JUNE 03, 2020 10:26 AM. “County Medical Examiner’s Office has determined Ellis died of respiratory arrest due to hypoxia due to physical restraint.” *

I’m angry.

to figuring out ways and means and how-to...

NOW… I hope you’ll keep reading because it’s important to me that you do. If you have no other reason than to see whether I’ll fan the flames or offer you a way to keep your Bipolar brain throbbing then keep reading.

And believing you can succeed

It doesn’t matter who you are or who kills you. Homicide is immoral, illegal and inhumane.

makes others place confidence in you.

I have many opinions, emotions and strong words. I try to keep them contained in my brain or in my writing.

However. Please read carefully. Remember.

Stay focused. I’m not going to lecture you or to preach at you. You probably have a good idea of what you should do. Or not do.

“Belief, strong belief, triggers the mind to figuring out ways and means and how-to. And believing you can succeed makes others place confidence in you.”

(David Schwartz)

Focus on your mental health. How do you calm down? Can you? Can you redirect your thoughts? When I can do that many times my emotions follow.

I know I might seem silly to some, but I’m doing what works for me right now. I’m not in the hospital. I’m not taking so many psych drugs that I can’t function. I’m helping myself anyway I can. But let me be honest too… sometimes I do yell or stomp off to walk around the block. Sometimes I do sit in the dark with my arms crossed and stew in anger. Sometimes, that’s all I feel I can do.

I admit I’m a bit wacky, but I prefer myself this way. Let me share with you some of the ways I manage my thoughts and feelings.

My daughter bought me Legos. She hoped they would make me focus, have fun… and stop talking. It worked!

Trying to figure out how to play with a dragon….
dang he’s fast!
…. act like a cat?

Truth – the truth is that we must still FOCUS. In my last message to you I said:

What delights you? What do you think is fun? Do you have trouble thinking about things like this today? That’s okay. Relax. What were you just doing? What are you going to do when you get offline? Have you eaten something yummy today? Have your guppies had babies? Let your mind wander. It doesn’t matter if anyone else in the entire world thinks that what you focus on is “normal” to them. Ask yourself… what “normal” in my day can I focus on in my today? Don’t try to find something amazing. Think “normal.” Think your normal.

Choose to be abnormally normal. Choose to challenge yourself and follow your heart… and your head. Do what is best and right for yourself and others. And don’t neglect to consider that Bipolar or not good advice is still good advice.

“Belief, strong belief, triggers the mind to figuring out ways and means and how-to. And believing you can succeed makes others place confidence in you.” (David Schwartz)

Now, does anyone remember how I organized my research….. sigh.

{ * The link to the quote from the Tacoma News Tribune. }

Bipolar Stress – Focus on the Normal

Many people with Bipolar Disorder, myself included, sometimes experience feelings of failure, doom and gloom. But not right now, no, not now.

Today I was playing with Bailey, who has saved me from myself many times when I had the super wonderful idea of playing a trick on her. She’s always been good at “don’t touch,” “leave it,” and “stay,” but I wanted to challenge her and see if she could resist picking up her new training “toy” and obey my commands. This is where “focusing on the normal” comes in…..

A dog like Bailey should be worked with and trained often. I admit that I don’t do it as often as I should. Today I focused on Bailey and… um… teasing her. Okay, sometimes she looks at me a little crazy and I’m inspired to tease her. This is a very normal activity for us.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about things that I normally take for granted. I’m not talking about the whole toilet paper “problems” or similar things. I’m talking about my never judgmental and always present companion – Bailey, my six-year-old Kelpie.

My focusing on my normal today was to work with Bailey. The picture following shows the results. The commands were, “don’t move” and “don’t touch.”

Bailey following commands:
Don’t Move & Don’t Touch

Today, think of something in your day, something normal, and focus on it for a bit. If possible, try to focus your normal on something you enjoy.

What delights you? What do you think is fun? Do you have trouble thinking about things like this today? That’s okay. Relax. What were you just doing? What are you going to do when you get offline? Have you eaten something yummy today? Have your guppies had babies? Let your mind wander. It doesn’t matter if anyone else in the entire world thinks that what you focus on is “normal” to them.

Ask yourself… what “normal” in my can I focus on in my day today? Don’t try to find something amazing. Think “normal.” Think your normal.

One last thing, consider this, you are Un-niche-able. What’s that all about? It is very simple. You are unique. Whatever your normal is will be uniquely yours because you’re – Un-niche-able.

Bipolar and ADHD Brains Working from Home

I love this video! The ideas on how to work from home can give us direction on how to create a healthy environment for ourselves during this very interesting time.

The video is different from many other resources on coping with being home because it is specifically targeted towards the ADHD brain. And… so what! It’s excellent and Jessica’s ideas are on target for brains of any flavor.

We did a bit of finger-pointing this morning while watching it. I really tried hard not to point with multiple fingers at the same person. (Okay, I didn’t try even a little bit!)
My ADHD brain seems very similar to brains right now.

What do you think? Do you know any brains that seem to be sharing any of these traits? Ha! I bet you do!

Bipolar Disorder and Stress During Crisis

I can’t give you advice that will save you from your personal struggle with Bipolar Disorder and the novel Covid-19 virus… I can’t. That’s just a fact. I can tell you all the things I’ve been doing to keep my brain turned round the right way, but I doubt that would help you either. Why won’t I? I can’t.

My struggles are uniquely mine just as yours are to you. My mind would be blown if you too had had oral surgery on March 17th only days before elective dental procedures were cancelled. (I’m in WA) Now that the work has begun we can’t put a, “hold until further notice,” sign on my mouth… despite what my kids might want to do.

Through it all, we’re in this together.

A similar situation happened to me after a December 17th – so bizarre on the timing – when over Christmas we couldn’t get a pain killer to kill the pain of my thumb joint replacement. I cried, I tried to sleep, I used every ice pack in the house… I cried some more. (December-January)

I can’t tell you how to save yourself from this particular stress. Saturday I cried because my jaw hurt so badly; they say sometimes crying helps us feel better. Not this time. My pouting face served to scrunch all my muscles and whatsits about my mouth and provoked my pain to send me headlong into a panic.

This week (March), I misplaced my chill pills (Clonazepam)… during this stressful time… when I can’t manage to control the pain in my face… and my stress… where are the chill pills?! (Ever done that?)

This panic was different than the last one. February’s panic was from having the CPAP strapped to my face and turned on. I didn’t much like having it on my face, but I swear that turning it on deflated both my lungs and shunted them down into my legs. I’m sure that’s why my thighs are so larg…big…. healthy. Heh.

Here’s the plain truth.

Ready?

Do what you can. Hold on. Duck your head when you need to. Stop thinking about the now, about how you feel right now, and think about the fact that you ARE thinking. Then stop thinking so much and go for a walk. Yes, a walk. Go!

We have a mood disorder. We’re not crazy people. We’re the worlds’ officially licensed Moody Group.

Emotions are moods. You are not losing your mind, nor am I. This is stress.

What’s happening then? I think it’s time I stopped ruminating on my current emotions and started thinking about how resilient I am. Yep. Me. I’m resilient.

I think that you might be resilient as well. Of course I don’t know you, but I don’t think that really matters. What matters is that you’re reading this. The very fact that you’re reading this demonstrates that you are resilient. You’re a survivor.

So survive.

Dig deep.

Be resilient.

You, are resilient.

Everything seems better after a nap.

Be resilient.

Bipolar – Pain in Pictures with Friends

Sometimes the only way we can show how we feel is through pictures. Yesterday My two girls went to the doctor and got their shots. It was the end of their world. Well… day. I’ll let them tell their story.

[Savvy is the kitten. She’s a…. rescue, something, cute ball of silliness. Bailey is my Kelpie (cattle dog). She always knows what’s best for me.]

The unknown brings us fear.
Sometimes we can’t deal with it.
Sometimes we need time to be alone.
Even though we might not feel right just yet,
having our besties near can be the most important thing in the world.