Bipolar Parent – What Kind of Example Am I?

/ Robin / 1 Comment

I’ve taught my kids to tell the truth to my counselor, med provider and myself when talking about how I am doing. Were I to ask them about the last two days their report would… okay, it would suck.

I’m not going to whine and snivel and tell you how awful things are for me because right now things are pretty good. I haven’t gone out to buy new clothes, but I have the cash to do so. We don’t eat out or regularly go to the movies, but we could go in our current situation. We’ve just spent a few lovely days with their sister (my eldest lol). She’s gone back to Tampa but we left each other with a sinus thing. Yum. She’ll be back on the 18th for three weeks! I can’t wait.

This is just the problem with me… always looking to the imagined fixed or better future while neglecting, not my kids, but myself. This time I let myself get out of rhythm with taking my meds. I’m not sure when I took them and when I didn’t. Was it morning, afternoon, evening…. when? When did I last do it right?

I was trying to think of a way to share what a wonderful time we had with my daughter here, and it was great… but that’s not what I’m telling you about friend. That’s not what’s eating away at my heart.

My behavior is largely governed by my taking the medications my med provider and I have concluded that I need and that I take them as prescribed. They are my lifeline to my world. They provide me with the possibility that I might enjoy a day, and another day, and another one after that, and…. where could the future take me?  No, that’s wrong. Meds aren’t the only lifeline for me. The first and most important is, well, it’s me.

I’m the example… who I am and what I do with myself. Daily, like did I take my meds?

My example to my kids pretty regularly (the cycle of my bipolar life) is self-destructive… year after year. You know what I mean, don’t you? If you are Bipolar, especially BP 1 you know what I mean…the cycle – Rage. Fury. Destruction. Suffocation. Despair. Resignation. Self-destruction… we know, don’t we?

My example to my kids and to my puppy even, has been that of one who has gone off her meds for reasons unknown. Then the self-destruction begins, the downward spiral. Then I implode upon my little family. I fear for the day one of them may say it is too much for them – I am too much for them.

But they love me. As much as I’d like to have them ask me for forgiveness it is more often I who asks it of them. I’m not trite about it. Sometimes I know we need to forgive each other and through my anger… sometimes I can stop myself long enough for that to happen.

What example am I?

Better today, than yesterday.

Bipolar – Has the Insane Plan Worked?

/ Robin

I would just like to say… Bipolar parents, sisters, and daughters can in fact achieve an amazing… AMAZING schedules of surprise, airplanes and loosing a daughter in an airport… Etc and so on

Everything worked just about perfectly and only my youngest daughter worked it out. Their brother nearly fainted, seriously. I’ve never seen him like that. Well okay, maybe after a race but never just standing still.

Laughed my hiney off.

My parents and brother had no idea. Seeing the looks on my parents and especially my son’s face, I will remember forever.

Christmas is coming. Think it over. What are you gonna do about it my friend?

Just sayin’. 

Bipolar – Handling an Insane Schedule and Still Having Fun

/ Robin

I tend to forget a very important fact when I’m busy and especially when I’m going to be driving… I have chronic pain in my back and I tend to forget to take my Oxycodone. Or, if I’m going to be driving, I don’t take it. Late this afternoon I remembered I was in pain (I also take Lyrica for FM and have OA so go figure with all the pain right?), I remembered and I took my pain killer. Quickly I was able to do house work and things I had stopped doing again, like moving around like I’m not a super old and very cranky woman.

I’m not high. Just experiencing less pain. It’s makes such a difference with the Lyrica and Oxy and the anti-inflammatory they have me on for my OA.

Back to the really important stuff: The Magical How to Be Too Busy and Still Have Fun.

Since my last post things have gotten more complicated and because I neglected to take some of my meds as prescribed I started being angry for no good reason and wanting to lash out. Took my meds…. I’m ok now. I can’t stress enough that we have to take our meds. You don’t think you need them? Especially during this next 30 days or so then you are nuts and a dope. Take your meds.

Starting last
Saturday  – Afternoon at my parents just to visit (my dad has stage four cancer and they “say” he has 6 – 12 months left) My brother and I are trying to spend time with them as much as possible.

Sunday (today) – Early family dinner at my parents with Tony and Mat too (my brother and his partner)

Monday – Take Kyle to the bus at 7:50 (the transit bus line stops exactly 8 minutes before our house)
– Take Syd to friend’s house so friend can get Syd to work on time (Kyle and I will be heading to Seattle)
– Pick up kyle at UWT at 11:00
– Arrive at UW medical center to get my new dentures (only Kyle and Syd know I’m getting them now)
– Drive through Seattle/Tacoma traffic through rush hour home. Usually takes 2 to 2.5 hours. Crazy drive. Seatac is almost that far.
– Pick up Sydney at end of bus route at 6:00 or find her a ride home

Tuesday – Sydney Braces for teeth…. orthodontist appt. at 7:50 a.m.
– 3:00 Sydney works till 5
– Kyle school then works till 5
– My brother’s birthday – at Bob’s Burgers (Where everyone will see my new teeth and that I cannot work them very well yet. So funny!)

Wednesday – Pick up “Carol”, my friend for lunch at Seatac during her layover. Actually, I’m picking up Jessica (my other daughter) from the airport and sneaking her home to surprise her sibs. 1:15 p.m.
– 3:00 Sydney works till 5

Thursday – Thanksgiving where I will again try to eat and talk with my new face. I anticipate talking funny for a bit and eating… carefully. lol
– Dinner at my brother and Mat’s at 4:30. It will be a banquet for kings and queens. They always throw amazing parties. The food is amazing. But then, they have lots of money.

Sat – Sun Syd is supposed to work on a project with a girl from school…. only she doesn’t know her sister will be leaving Monday. OMG!

I think those are the highlights. All the while I will be thinking of my dad and how he’s doing. And that the stress of all these secrets is making my brain burn like a torch lighting the way to a wondrous gift: family… and taking my meds as prescribed every day. Even the stupid ones that want to be taken 3 times a day. Uh. Don’t you hate those? Makes me bonkers.

My friend Carol and Jessica are the only ones that know what’s going on. No, Jessica doesn’t know I’m coming to the airport with my face in (dentures, it really changes your face).

Now more how to survive Thanksgiving tips that I use myself:
Play games – I don’t care if they’re card games with others or computer games by yourself. Play something!
Breath – from deep down in the belly when you feel the stress monster coming for you.
Ask for a hug – you don’t even need to say why. Just ask for one… or give one, maybe more than one!
Eat properly, and drink lots of water. No booze. NO BOOZE. Seriously. Don’t drink it.
Get enough sleep.
Smile. Smile for others if you can’t for yourself. Don’t bring your world down to your mood if you’re cranky.
Meditate, pray, be still… recharge yourself. Go to your happy place.
Oh, and do not over eat.

And then the next day will come and what you did the day before will still be with you so make wise choices.

Lastly, if you have a service dog avail them of their services. It’s what you have them for! Mine is sleeping soundly in her place at the foot and her side of my bed. Even with her cone on she knows when I need her. (She had her girl bits removed and wants to lick it too much) So that damn cone  is another stressor for us all. It makes it very difficult to train her with it on.

I’ve taken on a lot this week. I’ve decided I can make it work if I take my time and keep things separated. I believe I can do this. I even have a separate schedule in my desk in my room for Jessica coming. If I mess that up the game will be blown. Normally, I wouldn’t do this much, but Jess and I decided she should come home for a quick visit now and a longer one in December in case something happens with my dad; her grandpa.

She just became a Senior Airman in the USAF. I’m so proud of her! Her new stripes and all that are so cool. I can’t wait to see the picture of her in her blues besides her selfie. lol

And now the test. Can I follow my own plans to succeed? Have I set myself up for a huge fall? I don’t think so. I’m having to focus on others;  always a good thing. Focus. That’s important. I’ve got to stay focused and balanced and ask for help when I need it. Sometimes that’s hard to do.

Let me know how you fair this week my friend. I’ll tell you how I do when I’m through next Monday.

May you escape the nibble of a turkey on the end of your nose. May you eat said turkey instead. May you stuff your bird with stuffing . And may you spend time with loved ones, even if it’s only by phone or Hangout or… thinking of them. A little bit of love goes a long way. May you succeed in all your goals

Ciao,

Robin

Bipolar Parent – Taking the Holidays by Storm

/ Robin

All my kids know I have this blog. They all know that I write about them. I periodically check in with them them and make sure they remember they can read up on what I say. They don’t. Well, for a while Jessica (22 and in the AFB) helped me with some settings in this blog. But, I don’t think she reads it. Here’s the test.

Monday 24th
Sydney (she’s 17) and Kyle (he’s 19) know that I’m getting my new teeth (my face back) on Monday the 24th. Only they know.

Tuesday 25th
I will get used to my teeth and try to learn to talk again. lol We will not tell my parents, brother or Jessica that I have my new teeth. They will all be told that I’m getting them the Monday after Thanksgiving.

Wednesday 26th
Jessica will secretly fly into Seatac airport for a surprise visit. No one knows she’s coming. Jessica does not know I will already have my new teeth either. I’m telling everything her I’m getting my teeth the following Monday as well. So I’m surprising her as well. Kyle and Sydney think (hopefully but I think Sydney has guessed) Jessica in December. I’m telling them I’m meeting my very good friend Carol at Seatac during a 2 hour layover from FL to Anchorage. (I really think Syd has figured it out the little shit!) I’m saying I’m going to have lunch with her.

Thursday 27th
Everyone will find out Jessica is home when we go to my brother’s house for dinner and they will also see my new teeth!

Sound complicated? I don’t feel like it is. My ducks are in a row. I just have to work my texts with Carol to convince Sydney Carol is coming and not Jess. I’ll have to hide her in the trunk or something.

I’m exhausted. I was sick this last Sunday and I don’t think I’ve got my fluids topped off just yet. lol

Be happy, be safe and try to plan something memorable with family or friends.

This year I’m in control. (course I’m well medicated too) And, I’m having fun. Wish me luck!